Misty La Vrangue

Goodbye

Sat, 23 May 2009 13:24:05 +0200

I feel a little bit of a traitor to this site... I'm relocating. I've decided to amalgamate all my google-type profiles together... So I'm moving. New site: http://mistylavrangue.blogspot.com/

This place has treated me well... but the new one is just that bit more convenient!

Now I should get dressed - I have an Italian exam in less than an hour after all, I shouldn't be faffing around changing blogs!

Misty x

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All gone!

Fri, 22 May 2009 21:03:32 +0200

Do you know what the solution to pathetic lethargy is? Rich Tea biscuits. I marched down to Tesco in search of low calorie snacks... and there they were. And now I'm happy again!

Of course, that might have something to do with my sudden realisation. In exactly three weeks from now, TO THE MINUTE, I will be standing in front of the mainstage at Greenfield listening (and probably bouncing up and down in some kind of drunken state) to Social Distortion. In approximately an hour, Nightwish will be leaping around in front of me. Though you know, by then, I could be drunkenly collapsed against the barrier, weakly waving my devil horns. Oh, we all know I'll perk up when Emppu bounds onto the stage.

So. Yeah. Rich Tea biscuits and realisations of how close it is till Greenfield. Certain to cheer me up!

Misty x

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Lethargy

Fri, 22 May 2009 17:41:58 +0200

Ugh, where has THIS come from? All I want to do is sleep. And eat, but I'm not letting myself do a great deal of that. Had an exam this morning, I guess it was ok. Got another one tomorrow. Ugh. Hopefully I'll be able to prise myself off my bed by then. For the first time in quite a while I couldn't get up this morning when my alarm went off and stayed in bed for another three hours. I think in the past couple of days I've seen nearly everything 4OD and BBC iplayer have to offer. 4OD is offering exactly the same adverts it has for the past few months and after my past couple of days I'm getting pretty sick of them. Especially the Halifax one. And the pokemon one.

I'm hungry. Once this episode of the Big Band Theory finishes I'll go and have my tea. Trying very hard not to give into the urge to go down to Tesco and buy a multipack of Dairy Milk. To eat in one night. NO. If anything, I'll go and get some FABS. Much less calories.

I also need a shower. That involves a lot of energy. Hoping I can last past the blow drying stage or else I'll have some kind of scary afro tomorrow.

Misty x

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3 weeks today...

Thu, 21 May 2009 13:33:47 +0200

So I have an exam in an hour. Italian listening, shouldn't be too disastrous, I've done quite a lot of work...

But could I give a shit about it? Could I buggery. I just realise that today is Thursday. Exactly three weeks from today, me and Na will be in Interlaken! We might even have arrived at Greenfield!! We might even have started putting up the tent!

...of course, that particular thing will take us quite a while. Sure, it's a popup tent. You'd think we'd have a job fucking that one up... Ha. Not me and Na. We could fuck ANYTHING up. This is why we never finished our Duke of Edinburgh awards...

Aaah I'm excited. I'm quite scared too - I've been so upbeat these past few days that I'm semi-convinced I'm gonna go down the other side of the rollercoaster soon. But oh well, if it happens, it happens. At the moment I am balanced and happy (well, nearly balanced. A bit hyper. But otherwise balanced.

The official diet plan has been active for four days now, and I've lost three pounds. Liking this. Not entirely sure how it's happening considering I've still been eating somewhere over 1500 calories each day and not exactly doing a marathon every day, but oh well. I'm not going to complain! Maybe it's to do with my enforced sleep pattern - I've been going to bed at 10 and getting up between 6 and half past. Of course, to get to sleep at that time I practically have to knock myself out with a concoction of drugs, but still. It's working. I'm waking up every morning refreshed and ready to work. Yay!

...and so Brother Firetribe comes onto iTunes and I have to go off and do a dance to the cheesiness...

Misty x

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Immigration, Integration, and Special K bars

Wed, 20 May 2009 11:50:01 +0200

Work work work...

Got up at quarter to seven this morning to do work - was in Caffe Nero by eight with my Italian grammar. Just went to the library and got out various books related to French politics and culture... Didn't watch where I was going so marched headfirst into a very tall guy who turned out to be Jack Sparrow Dude, doh. I'm now allegedly sitting on my bed reading about multi ethnic France. It's not as interesting as it sounds.

I want to hula hoop I'm not allowed unless nobody else is in the house or I get permission when nobody is revising. The reason: to weigh it down, the hula hoop is filled with beans that make a hell of a racket. Drives everyone mad. The reason I want to hula hoop is that I'm determined to keep up with my diet and exercise plan. I'm keeping to less than 1500 calories a day and doing something physical each day too. Lots of situps have been happening, and lots of hula hooping of course. Instead of chocolate, I've been wolfing down Special K bars, which seems to have really helped. I've already lost two pounds, yay! Absolutely determined to have a flat stomach by Greenfield - and be able to wear my size 10 jeans without overspill. It happened last term, it can happen this term!

In a bit of a sulk with J at the moment. For the past three days I think she's been sulking at me, so I'm sulking back. Every time I've talked to her, she's either snapped at me, ignored me, or shot me down with a sarcastic comment. She totally kicked off yesterday - while she was watching Home and Away, I made an offhand comment about how I'd rather have to worry about getting eaten by a shark than worry about doing exams. She started going on at me about how stupid I was to think that, how I'd rather people died than do a couple of measly exams... she's the one who's spent the past three weeks stressing so much she's probably given herself an aneurysm! Grr. I'd talk to her about it, find out what's wrong, but she'd probably eat my head or something. She's all sweetness and light with the others, especially JH. In fact, she was laughing so much the other night that she actually woke me up (a very difficult thing once I've hit REM sleep).

Speaking of sleep, really bizarre dream last night. Me, my aunty, and my two cousins got sent to some kind of modern concentration camp. It was like a big summer camp with prison gates - you were only allowed to buy four things from the supermarket each day for your whole family and you were beaten with a stick if you got anything fatty: eating crisps was punishable by death. There was a big building for everyone to sleep in with lots of little rooms with double beds, but there were only a certain number of rooms for a very large number of people. Me and my family were trying to find a room but even though we trawled through seven floors we couldn't find a single room that wasn't taken over by screeching teenage girls, and we were terrified because if we didn't have anywhere to sleep we'd have to sleep with the camp warden, a terrifying woman who looked a bit like Margaret from The Apprentice.

Very strange.

Ugh, I should probably get back to the French ethnicity book. It's only a three day loan so I can't put it off indefinitely like I usually do. Dammit. And I bet it gets requested before I've finished with it, just to annoy me.

Misty x

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Countdowns

Tue, 19 May 2009 12:58:47 +0200

In chronological order:

22 days until I go down to London
23 days until we arrive in Interlaken
24 days until Nightwish
30 days until Troy and the Bad Shepherds
43 days until I start aupairing
96 days until I turn 20
121 days until I go to Helsinki
123 days until Nightwish again

Yeah, somehow I can't concentrate on revision today, not sure why. Next exam is Italian listening on Thursday afternoon, followed by French language on Friday morning, then Italian language on Saturday afternoon. I'm thinking I do Italian revision today, French tomorrow, Italian Thursday. Good plan, no? My week sorted.

I have of course been doing some Italian revision today - got up at 7:30 this morning to be motivated and good. Went to Caffe Nero and was motivated and good for a couple of hours, but now I'm back at home I really can't be bothered. Just accidentally chopped a hole in my arm when I dropped a pair of scissors and I'm hoping nobody notices because I don't want JH to start panicking I've been cutting again, when for once I actually haven't!!

In other news, after the depressing news that V weighs less than 9 stone and JH has the body fat of some kind of... um... skinny person (can't think of a comparison), I have decided to lose weight. Plus I want to be slimmer for Greenfield. I seem to have gotten fatter lately, even though I've been hula hooping away and going for long walks (the most exercise you'll catch me doing I'm afraid). So I'm restricting myself to less than 1500 calories a day... god knows how long that'll last. I give myself two days before I give into the Dairy Milks calling me from Tesco. Willpower, willpower, willpower...

Aargh, I should be revising. The future tense of the Italian language is calling me.

Hmmm. Maybe I'll go for a walk. Exercise. Listening to my iPod. Should be a good thing. After all, I'm far too unfit to go for a run. I power walked for a couple of kilometres yesterday and when I came back home I managed to concentrate on Italian vocabulary for a good couple of hours. I have NO IDEA how JH can revise for eight hours solid. I'd die! I really do have the attention span on a gnat... unless I'm writing stuff that interests me, like my books.

OOH, yesterday I sent off Bars of a Chateau! Its very first trip to a literary agent. Of course, it will get rejected - I have to pay my dues before I get accepted. Keeping my fingers crossed anyway! NB when one of my books eventually gets accepted by an agent, you will hear me screaming from wherever you are. I've already planned how I'm spending my first advance when I finally get published - first purchase, Christian Louboutin shoes. Yeah, by that point I WILL be 87, but I'm getting them anyway, even if I have to show them off complete with the wonderful accessory of a zimmer frame.

OOH, I have a reason to go for a walk! I need to post my form to be added to the electoral roll. I can go to the post office and then keep on walking from there, like a very sporty person. Maybe I'll even walk to the library and get some books out. Yes, me. The girl who in two years of university can count the number of trips to the library she's made on two hands. I'm academic, me.

Misty x

EDIT: just reached new levels of procrastination. I'm slowly but surely working out the rhythm needed to hula hoop while juggling. I'm an actual clown.

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Profound Thoughts...

Sun, 17 May 2009 23:51:55 +0200

Well... ish.

You see I just had a slight epiphany... thanks to Scrubs. Yes, I know, not the most intellectual thing to get an epiphany from. But never mind.

I've just been tidying my room, having a big clear out of all the clothes I no longer wear. Most of them are so disgusting/worn that I can't even force them on a charity shop, but you know, not the issue. There hasn't been a lot to distract me most of the time, and I've been stuck with my own thoughts. And I've been worrying.

There's so much I have to worry about right now. There's the fact that I don't think I have any chance of passing my exams this year, thanks to missing most of my lessons this year. Then yesterday I went into a bit of a depressive state, which scared me a lot, because I thought my pills were stopping that from happening. I also have been spending far too much money, a lot of which isn't actually mine. My room is still a mess and I have no idea how it'll all cram into a single car and a few suitcases that'll go on the train to Liverpool. Then there's my friends: several people have been having problems lately and I have no idea how I can help, though I really really want to, including my cousin. And finally, I'm worried about my mum and how lonely she is at the moment.

Then I though about it. Why worry - about any of it? We all have to stop worrying and CALM DOWN. Live for the moment and think of the consequences later. Sure, there'll be some, but we need to have fun. We need to live every day like it's our last. I don't want to find out I have cancer or something like that one day and regret not doing things that I won't have time to do.

See now I'm picking apart that argument in my own head - telling myself that I need to STOP feeling like that already before I ruin my life.

Oh well.

I'm just confusing myself now. I need to get back in that wardrobe. I finally replaced the lightbulb, at least.

Misty x

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MONKEY BUSINESS!!

Fri, 15 May 2009 00:04:45 +0200

It's finally out!!

Saw it at about 3 o'clock this afternoon (no, I'm not going to mention the German oral, this is much more interesting). Just innocently went onto YouTube...

And there it was.

Pain.

Monkey Business.

The video.

Finally.

And yes, I'm in it!! OK, so you can only just see the odd flash of 'HARDER' and a red thing near my elbow that may or may not be Na's devil horns...

BUT STILL.

I was there both nights it was filmed. And now everybody will see quite how awesome it was!

Also, quite how weird Peter is. That poor cake. But yay anyway!!

Misty x

PS: here it is. Forgot that first time round. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr2A5HrYt9s Rejoice.

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Happiness

Wed, 13 May 2009 22:03:20 +0200

There seem to be far too many people in the world right now who aren't happy for some reason or another, and for once I'm not one of them! For me right now, everything is ticking along nicely (I'm pretending my exams are just weird dreams I have every so often). Of course, not focussing on my own gloom means I'm focussing on everyone else's... if I'm in a good mood, everybody else has to be! And if I'm in a bad mood, I prefer everyone else to be in a good mood too. Basically - cheer up all of you, I hate to see my friends depressed!

So I'm going to compile a little list of things that make me happy when I'm down. Try it. You might be surprised at what works.

The Cheat's Guide to Instant Smiles

1) Talk to your friends
Yes, I know it's been done to death, 'a problem shared is a problem halved', blablablablabla. But you know something, it really does work. If none of your own friends are available, borrow L, he's a FANTASTIC agony aunt. If it wasn't for him, I'd truly be at the bottom of a river by now.

2) Eat ice cream
It's a matter of preference, of course, but I personally find that Ben and Jerry's Half Baked can cure most ills. Phish Food makes me bounce off the walls and I forget whatever's been bothering me due to the head trauma of hitting said walls. Green and Blacks Vanilla is simple, but effective - if combined with a good chick flick it can do the world of good (add wine to the mix and you've got yourself heaven). Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough is an old favourite, though best enjoyed in a group or else you could end up vomiting up your troubles. A quick and simple cure is a good old Fab ice lolly.

3) Sleep
Largely underrated. If you have the ability to do it (not everybody does), for god's sake do it. When you're in a warm cocoon with a hot water bottle and a teddy bear, everything bad seems to lose all magnitude.

4) Make Misty's Famous Chilli Stirfry
The night I found out my stepfather would not be returning home, I wandered into the kitchen and created this in such a daze that my housemates were convinced I was on some kind of drug-induced high. However, after I'd eaten it (the whole wok full, yes, I'm a pig) the despair and worry seemed to be muffled by clouds of chilli-flavoured steam. Here is the recipe:
Roughly chop up a fairly large quantity of new potatoes (unpeeled). Boil them until they're quite mushy. Then heat up some olive oil in a wok with a dash of chilli powder. When the olive oil is nice and bubbly, throw in the potatoes and bash them about a bit with a wooden spatula that has holes in it. Sprinkle over half a tablespoon of chilli powder and bash them about some more. Then gently add some chopped up chicken, as much as you desire. Mix it up with the potatoes. Take some here's-some-I-prepared-earlier chopped up vegetables (can be almost anything, I tend to go for red pepper, red onion, and occasionally baby corn) and chuck them in too. Throw in another half a spoonful of chilli powder and keep whacking it all about with the spatula. When the chicken looks like it's cooked, scoop up a bit onto the spatula with a fork and slice it a bit to check. Then fling it back in again and add some salt, and a touch more chilli powder. By now, the potatoes should be squished into a mushy mess intespersed with bits of chicken and vegetables, and most things in the wok should be orange. Take the wok off the hob and dump the whole sorry-looking mixture onto plates (it looks rather disgusting, but persevere - it'll taste gorgeous). Note: if the kitchen hasn't filled up with such strong chilli-steam that your housemates have opened every door and window in the house and refuse to come near the kitchen because they fear asphyxiation, then you're not doing it right!!

5) Watch some Nightwish videos
I know, I know, I'm obsessed at the moment so of COURSE Nightwish will make me feel better. But you know what, I wish I'd discovered their live videos on YouTube a lot sooner, because they cannot fail to put a smile on my face. Everybody should try it - you just have to laugh at Emppu Vuorinen's facial expressions. Actually, scrap that: ALL their facial expressions. Marco Hietala is just a joy to watch, he's so wonderfully weird. And Tuomas Holopainen spends most of the time either going into a mind-boggling spin cycle or looking like he's in the middle of a particularly taxing orgasm. Here's a couple of links to get you started...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8cf-zaSiJg&feature=channel_page
That one is pretty good, you can actually hear ME screaming in the first second (it's from one of the nights I was in Paris) but for the full experience watch THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8wbKXUr9ng&feature=PlayList&p=B28B437456609AA0&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32
That's just the first song of the gig I think, but they're all on there on a playlist, I think. Anette's voice is not at its best (they'd just done a couple of other gigs I think, and they were all knackered) but the guys are still hilarious. For my own channel, go here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/jess2308
Though there's not a great deal of good stuff there, it's basically just me bragging about how close I was in Paris.

6) Do some exercise
I know, *gasp*, ME, suggesting EXERCISE?! Am I ill?! Well, no. I have recently discovered the Joy of Hula-Hooping. You can do it standing in front of the TV, it burns calories, tones your stomach, and leaves you feeling remarkably relaxed and like you've actually achieved something. It takes a while to get into the swing of things and stop it from just falling to your feet every five minutes, but it's worth it in the end. Just close the curtains before you start... it doesn't look all that dignified and you may just get laughed at by passersby...

So yeah, that's my wonderful ways to keep your spirits up. Learning German vocabulary doesn't come into this at all, by the way. That's what I'm trying to do now, for an oral exam tomorrow. STRESS... though I have the Nightwish Lowlands 2008 playlist on the go, I did some serious hula-hooping before, and I'm going to bed early - everything's good.

Random exciting news of the day: I'm getting my hair done on Friday!! Very excited - and nervous. You see, I'm bored of normal hair. I'm getting it drastically altered... again... Only this time instead of going from short-side-of-long-and-natural to short-and-vaguely-more-reddish-than-it-was-previously I'm getting some kind of fringe put in, and having it dyed purple. Yes, purple. I'll let you know how it goes.

Of course, depending on what the hairdresser's opinion is, it might go bright crazy red. I'm about 70% purple-minded right now (because I have more clothes it'd match and my phone is also purple) but this could change before Friday. You never know.

Oh, and don't tell my housemates. V knows, but J and JH do not. I want to walk in on Friday with purple hair like nothing's different and see their faces. Hehehe.

I'm going to go learn some more German now. I've been spending most of my life in the office (aka Caffe Nero) working on revision, but it's still about half the amount of work of anybody else I know. I really should catch up... oh well. Whatever happens, happens. Life goes on. Live for the moment. Blablabla.

Hula-hooping could save the world, you know.

Misty x

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Sarnia Cherie...

Sun, 10 May 2009 17:14:32 +0200

Yay for Liberation Day yesterday!

OK, so I should have spent this entire weekend re-leaning how to speak Italian, creating a French presentation, all that kind of stuff... and instead I spent it getting drunk with a bunch of people from Guernsey, while my ex-boyfriend spent it inbetween the inflatable camping mat on the floor and, um, my bed.

NO I didn't sleep with Ben.

Well, I did. But sleeping was all that went on. Mostly. I suppose the Americans would call it 'making out', but it might as well have never happened, it's not like we're a couple or anything... we're just very good friends.

Anyway, Liberation Day itself was really good. A few of us went up to Jo's house in Newcastle, where we ate Guernsey food and drank a fair bit - including the rather strong Guernsey Rocquettes Cider, which is rather good... then we went to the Spybar and drank some more. Then at this point S decided she wanted to go back to Durham because she was feeling weird, with Jo and her Newcastle friends, so me, S, Ben and L got a taxi back and joined F, G, E and M at Revolver. Where I drank more. Double Midori and lemonade is an awesome drink.

Ben had never seen me drunk before - he was a bit shocked, and stayed firmly on the camping mat all night out of fear. I can't actually remember getting home, but I'm pretty sure we had chips. I also have vague memories of going online on my phone, god knows what I was doing... I left a rather strange message on Twitter, that's for sure.

So, Ben is now gone, and I'm supposed to be revising for Italian. I would so much rather not, but I do have an oral exam TOMORROW MORNING. I may be a little bit screwed for that. Thank god the examiner I have is lovely, she's taught me all year and I'm hoping she'll be nice when I inevitably screw up. The old Italian Wine presentation is being dug up and dusted down, though unfortunately I can't take actual samples to the exam... damn. I might be sampling some beforehand though, would probably make the whole experience that bit better!

Hmm, I also need to do about 4000 dishes and dry and straighten my hair. Maybe I'll do that now, then stick my nose to the grindstone all night for Italian. It's tempting to pull an all-nighter, but I'll just have to have a few hours sleep or else I'll end up napping tomorrow afternoon when I'm meant to be learning French. Gah. This is not going to be a fun week.

Altogether now:

"Sarnia Cherie, gem of the sea, home of my childhood my heart aches for thee..."

Misty x

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Stressssss

Fri, 08 May 2009 15:48:21 +0200

Ok, so I survived Satan's Own Torture Number 1. However, on Monday I have my Italian Oral. On Tuesday, my French Oral. On Thursday, my German Oral.

Have I learnt much for any of them? No.

Is it Liberation Day tomorrow? Yes.

Is Ben getting here for some Lib Day celebrations tonight? Yes.

Gaah.

Right now I am tidying my room in anticipation of the 6ft+ ginger male soon to be descending to crash on my floor. Luckily he doesn't get here until midnight, because I need to run to Tesco and buy food, cook said food, straighten my hair, and do an absolute Everest of dishes before he arrives.

Will I ever pass my oral exams? Only time will tell. At least I know half of my Italian. Ben is being thrown out on Sunday whether his train is on time or not, so I can desperately cram. Haven't even started on the French presentation yet, I'm just going to end up doing that on Monday once the Italian is done. It should be over by about midday, so I'll go straight from there to Caffe Nero for some super-French learning. Only problem with Caffe Nero is that Jack Sparrow Dude is often in there and I spend a lot of time mooning over him instead of working... damn...

Oh well, what is there to be expected. If someone looks like they're a walking experiemental mix of Jack Sparrow, Tuomas Holopainen, and Russell Brand, they've got to expect the odd stare of admiration!

Misty x

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Eep.

Tue, 05 May 2009 22:58:30 +0200

German Interpreting exam tomorrow.

I know no vocabulary.

Therefore, I am screwed.

...that is all.

Misty x

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Meh and EEEE

Mon, 04 May 2009 20:44:49 +0200

Yeah, the title of this entry pretty much sums up my general states of mind at the moment...

So we'll start with the meh. 'Meh' stands for the fact that I finally told my mum about the whole bipolar thing, and as anyone who follows me on twitter will know (JPLeather by the way) I got very very angry and ended up kicking the hell out of the poor tumbledrier and terrifying poor V to within an inch of her life (poor thing, she was the only other person in the house at the time). You see, Mum has decided there is nothing wrong with me and the psychiatrist is NOT RIGHT. Apparently she knows much better than a qualified mental health professional... sure. He might be Mr Scary Psycho Man, but he still went to Scary Psycho Man school long enough to know what he's talking about!

Grr.

Anyway, now she's in complete denial and is ignoring the issue entirely. She's not ignoring me, we were having a perfectly civil (and dull) conversation about her new lawnmower about twenty minutes ago. So I suppose that's something.

Grr again.

Though that particular 'grr' was to do with revision. I have a German Interpreting exam on Wednesday - that's the day after tomorrow, shit - and I DON'T KNOW ANY GERMAN. Seriously. If I don't have to retake the German Language module I'll be very surprised, I have after all missed almost every German lesson THIS YEAR. Yes, yes, I have my beautiful shiny mitigating circumstances form, but I doubt even that can save me now. I'm actually pissing myself with fear. OK, maybe not actually, I've been potty trained since before I was two, but METAPHORICALLY. I'm terrified. At least I'll be in the UK all summer, so if I DO have to retake, I won't have to tell my mum. I'll have to tell my employer, but you know, better than being ceremoniously shot against the shed wall in France.

Right, I'm going to stop with the 'meh' stuff now, it's making me 'meh' even more. Got to get to the 'EEEE'.

You know I've been a bit Nightwish-obsessed lately. Come on, EVERYONE knows this. You only have to come within a mile of my house and you can hear The Poet and the Pendulum blasting out across Durham. My housemates are not pleased, but I'm working on them!

Anyway. You will also know freaking excited I am about seeing Nightwish again in Helsinki. As in counting-the-days excited (138).

Well.

The next time I see Nightwish won't in fact be in Helsinki.

It'll be in Switzerland.

THIRTY NINE DAYS TIME!!

Greenfield Festival, Interlaken. June 12th-14th.

aka http://www.greenfieldfestival.ch/intro/index.php

In other words - SWITZERLAND BABY!!

Yeah, I'm a little bit excited. It's all happened in a bit of a rush - me and Na were talking about it the other night while I was rather drunk, and the next morning it was booked... it is rather exciting. To say the least. And it's a FESTIVAL. You know what that means. Camping!!

Me and Na in a tent. The last time this happened it was the Duke of Edinbourgh practice expedition (neither of us finished the proper thing) when we were fourteen. It was hilarious, but disastrous, we had to let Steph put the tent up. We're not the most outdoorsy people the world has ever seen...

However, I have already bought a sleeping bag, rucksack (whose name is Alan), inflatable mattress and a travel pillow. Our tent has been ordered - a popup one, so all we have to worry about is getting it on the plane, instead of getting it UP. We're already bracing ourselves for the awful festival toilets, though surely they can't be worse than the portaloothing we faced in Paris...?

It's going to be a brilliant festival. I mean, not only Nightwish, but Slipknot!! Even the Ting Tings! It's going to be so much fun. And I've never been to Switzerland before. Hell, I've never been to HEATHROW before, and that's where we'll be flying from.

Now I just have to get through these exams...

Only another 32 days and they'll all be over.

I think the others might be a little bit pissed off with me re: the festival... You see, I'm going to be missing the summer ball, which is pretty much our last chance to be altogether before the Year Abroad...

Oh well, I'm never good company at balls or formals anyway. I've ended up depressed and in tears at... well, at every single ball we've had so far. At the last summer ball I had a temper tantrum and threw a beer can at M's head because he spilt some in my room... well, really, I had a temper tantrum because N had been pulling someone all night and I couldn't deal with it. Well, I won't be there to spoil it this time. And come on, I might as well not be there, whenever I am I get ignored anyway, there's always someone more interesting to talk to. As you may have guessed, I'm not the most interesting person around.

God I'm knackered, and I've barely done anything all day. I guess I was up fairly late plotting for Switzerland with Na. Maybe if I go to bed reeeeally early I'll get up in time to do LOTS of revision tomorrow? There's the possibility, I guess. I wish I was clever, it'd make life so much easier.

All the same, take me away, we're dead to the world...

Just a thought - L, where are you?! Haven't seen you for ages, online or in real life!! Have you died somewhere? I heard you had a cold, but you haven't even been tweeting! Well, except that one in Italian last night, which confused me no end. My dear, you don't speak Italian... anyway, come talk to me sometime, MYR!

I'm going to see this bunch of weird freaks next month. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tLTdGSGTbo&feature=related

YAY!

Misty x

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Exciting Stuff

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 14:57:03 +0200

As I write this, I am having a near-spasm of Nightwish excitedness. The news Na found last night might actually be true, which is very very cool!

This news is that Wikipedia made an addition to the page of Anette from Nightwish, saying, get this, that she's ENGAGED to the bass player from Pain!! That would be Johan, the one who me and Na spent most of Pain's set looking at and trying to work out if he was hot behind the hair (the consensus was YES, he is hot, but he really needs to wash that hair of his - hopefully Anette will convince him it's a good idea).

However, there has been no news of this anywhere else, not even the Finnish or Swedish tabloids, who tend to pick up on this kind of thing. So last night Na did a bit more investigating... and realised it's been staring us in the face for a couple of weeks. In the latest issue of RockSound, there's a kind of interview thing with Anette, Tuomas and Marco. And what is Anette wearing in the pictures? Not only a ring on her engagement finger, but a necklace with the letter 'J' on it... J for Johan? I hope so!

The plot thickens. Detective Na went to have a look at the Pain moblog from last year to see if anything had been mentioned in passing, any random disappearances from Johan... well. Up until at least early 2008 Johan was still married. To someone else, whom he is not married to anymore. Yet by the autumn, Anette was wearing the ring. Is that a little scandal we sense among the Swedes??

General conclusion: Anette + Johan = good thing. A Nightwish-Pain union? Imagine the chaos that'd go down at the wedding! They'd have to erect a 50ft barrier around the wedding cake, if Peter Tagtgren was let into it, after that gorgeous picture of him on the moblog... won't put it in here because it'd spoil the lovely feel of my lovely blog, but here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/ccbm77 Enjoy. It's not pretty. You wouldn't want THAT near your wedding cake.

Another reason I'm in a bit of a Nightwish-related bouncy mood - I ordered a top to wear in Helsinki (already, yes) and it just arrived!! Talk about slutty, but I love it. Nothing wrong with a good slutty top at a metal concert - at least I shouldn't fall out of THIS one... no wonder Marco was winking at me so much...

ANYWAY. I should be revising. I've copied up all D's Italian notes now and I'm in the middle of writing my French oral presentation, about 'Le dopage pendant la Tour De France'. Fun stuff.

Question: am I TOTALLY weird for being so very erratic in my personal tastes. I'm obsessed with Nightwish, musicals, Twilight, and procycling. On my wall I have one poster of Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler, one of Emppu Vuorinen, and one of Johnny Depp. Talk about contrasts... surely this isn't normal?!

Misty x

Comments

LONDON BABY!! ...etc

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:13:58 +0200

Back in Durham again!

Yeah, after my wonderfully cheerful comments about being in Durham before, you wouldn't exactly think I'd be thrilled about being back, would you? I wasn't at first, but last night was so much fun, and we're all getting on so well... Me, V, J and JH all went out to Chase for cocktails, then to Studio, where we met F and D. It was so much fun, we were laughing, dancing - brilliant. And I got to have a cocktail that contained Finlandia, which just made me laugh. Dr Finlandia... though I did wake up with a fucking awful hangover that's only just disappeared. I haven't drunk properly for far too long.

Except in London, of course. See what I did there, seamless linkage...

God, this is going to be a long entry, I need to babble on about London, which deserves a book to itself. Seriously. The trip had everything - drama, tears, laughter, dancing, Johnny Depp...

So, me and JH drove down in the car (as opposed to... well, a motorbike I guess) which was fun in itself, because we were listening to all kinds of cheesy music, from Abba to S Club Juniors (JH's choice, not mine). We spent the afternoon sunbathing in V's garden, and then the drama began... We've been saying for months, literally, that we wanted to go to Madame Tussauds so JH could get her photo taken with Zac Efron. We were going to do that on the Thursday afternoon, then get some dinner and go and see Wicked. We invited V's sister to come with us, seeing as she doesn't get out a great deal with her baby and all. We had it all planned, and we'd been facebooking and stuff about it for ages.

And what did V have to come out with the afternoon before? "Oh, we're not going to Madame Tussauds because my sister can't afford it, we're going to stay in and play with the baby all morning then maybe go see some free touristy things in the afternoon."

Um. No.

We left it at that for a bit, though me and JH had a quick conference and made the decision that we WOULD be going to Madame Tussauds, whether V came with us or not. We went out that night to Oceana, which was very amusing, especially as V's friend James is a total manwhore and we spent half the night having a who-has-the-dirtiest-mind competition (I think I won, woop).

So the next morning dawned, and even though we hadn't got to bed till about four/half four, me and JH were up very early. When we announced to V that we were going off into London to be tourists and go to Madame Tussauds, she was NOT pleased. We were all ready to go, all dressed and excited, and she was sat there on the sofa in her pyjamas looking like a slapped arse. Even though we'd told her our plan the night before, she didn't seem to believe we'd actually do it.

But we did. Half an hour later, we got off the tube at Westminster (best tube station ever by the way, you get out of it and the first thing you see is Big Ben - love it, and it was JH's first sight of proper London. I'm proud of myself for getting her there). Anyway, we got off the tube there, and we both had an identical text message, along the lines of 'I don't want to say anything else about it because I don't want to ruin the holiday, but I am very disappointed and I'd never have done anything like this to you guys." Oops.

Well, tough luck. We didn't go to London to sit indoors and play with V's niece! ...though saying that, we did a bit the next day and I fell in love with her, I now want one of my own. Of course, I think you have to find a man first... oh well, never mind.

Anyway, we felt the briefest spasms of guilt, then off we buggered, happily into the touristness. We went to Westminster Abbey, Trafalgar Square, Covent Garden, Buckingham Palace, and of course, Madame Tussauds. It was SO much fun. In fact, I think this calls for a picture. Yeah, by the way, now I know how to put pictures in, it might be a bit difficult to stop me... actually, I'll wait for a better picture... Johnny Depp...

Yeah, we went to Madame Tussauds, which was SO much fun, even though I wimped out of the Scream thing. I went into the crypty bit though, which was great - Robespierre was in there! Fantastic. Especially as he bore a distinct resemblance to Our Boy Troy. And I got my picture with Johnny Depp, yay! JH nearly died of happiness when she got her picture with Zac Efron. Ah, though, Johnny Depp... GOD.

Awww, look how thrilled I am.

Anyway, we went from Madame Tussauds to WICKED! Where we met up with a slightly sulky V and her sister, but Wicked made EVERYONE happy. It was AMAZING. Incredible. Yes, I've seen it before... but Kerry Ellis was better than ever. She's SO good. Honestly. I've never seen anyone who can sing like that. Fantastic.

I could go on with superlatives for quite a while but I won't. Just suffice to say - Wicked is wicked.

So yeah, the next day was shopping day. No need for me to say a lot more than I spent far too much money - but I now have lovely Converse! And a gorrrgeous leather jacket that I'm actually in love with and never want to take off. In fact, I am wearing it now.

Final day was Thorpe Park, which although being brilliant, did have a lot of queues. Oh well, I'm good at queuing - you kind of learn after waiting for Nightwish for eight hours. And I have to practice for Helsinki, where it could be a twenty four hour jobby. The rollercoasters were fantastic though. I've been wanting to go on Colossus ever since it first opened and I saw the ads on TV, and now I finally got to! Yay! Ten inversions... couldn't quite manage walking in a straight line after that one. And Nemisis Inferno - I love the Nemesis family!

The car journey back up was kind of annoying this time, though. V sang along to everything. Constantly. She literally didn't stop for five hours. I was ready to kill her by the end of it. In a service station while she was in the toilet, me and JH had a quick discussion, and JH agreed to let me put Nightwish on as a break from V's singing. We were left astounded when Amaranth came on and she started singing along. I knew I should have turned it down more often... Nightwish only lasted until The Poet and the Pendulum though. Four minutes in, as it goes into the quiet bit:

V: "Well it was OK, not as disturbing as you were making out."
Me: "Um... it's not QUITE finished yet..."

After another few minutes:

JH: "Oh my god, it's been going on for EIGHT minutes, is it nearly over yet?"
Me: "Nearly... cough cough."

At the twelve minute point:

JH: "Right, it's going off!"
Me: "Oh come on, there's only another three minutes!"

The CD was then forcibly ejected, and was nearly thrown out of the window. It was replaced with High School Musical - I was traumatised. I actually had to lie down, the contrast between Nightwish and High School Musical was so much. TOO much. As Na said, I'll need rehab after that.

So yeah, we got back up to Durham, and nobody killed anybody! Yay!

I don't know what to have for tea. V is doing sausage pie, but I'm trying to be healthy. I think I'll have tuna and sweetcorn, possibly with a salad, possibly just by itself, I'm a fan of that. Haven't had that for aaaaages.

Ooh, went to Mr Scary Psychiatrist Man today - and I don't have to go back again! Yay! He just informed me that the good way I've responded to my pills shows I'm definitely bipolar, but that means I only need to go to the GP to get repeat prescriptions! YAY! Now to tell my mother... eep. Oh well, I'll think of that tomorrow.

Before I go off in search of tuna - I really hope there's some in the cupboard - just want to say WELL DONE to Nikki, who has her place in Guernsey! Extra yays, and if I was in Liverpool already I'd give you a hug!

Right. Time for tea, I think. I've been eating/spilling-down-myself grapes for the past hour or so and they're just not filling the gap. I need FOOD. God, I'm like a child...

Misty x

Comments

33,326

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:18:24 +0200

The new novel is progressing rather nicely - I'm a good third of the way through now. Well, a third of the way if I'm aiming for the traditional 90,000 words - my books can be a bit hit or miss in that respect. The first one was about 77,000, the second about 88,000, and the third somewhere around 101,000. I reckon this one will hit about 90,000, though saying that this third seems remarkably short...

I haven't gone as quickly as with the second two (the first one is crap and took about four years so I'm discounting that one). Book number 2 took three weeks, number 3 took about 6 altogether. I've been writing this one, the infamous Karin Cluster, for about three weeks now and I'm 33,326 words in. Of course, the others were done in times where I devoted my entire LIFE to writing them, the first because I was so bored I had nothing else to do, and the third because it was Nanowrimo.

Point is, Karin Cluster is coming along and I've currently got my characters embroiled in an exciting game of Drunken Uno. Well, the game isn't that exciting - what happens in the middle of it is. I've been attempting to introduce sexual tension (not entirely sure I'm up to it, it's been so long since I've experienced any myself I'm starting to forget what it is) and two of the characters are going to start getting it on in approximately 300 words. Yay!

Other things going on in life: LONDON BABY!

...yeah, I'm exciting. Me and JH's epic roadtrip is coming up very very soon. The day after tomorrow, I go back to the UK, and the next day the roadtrip will begin. It's going to be brilliant. The thre of us (me, JH and V) are going to be uber tourists. Madame Tussauds, Buckingham Palace, the Houses of Parliament, Trafalgar Square, Covent Garden, Wicked, Thorpe Park... the giant Topshop... Aah can't wait. Seriously.

And Thorpe Park!! Have you SEEN the adverts on TV for the new Saw ride?! It looks truly immense. I bet I chicken out before I get on it - I did with Oblivion at Alton Towers. Nearly did with Nemesis as well, but V and F dragged me on it and I loved it. The sister ride to Nemesis is at Thorpe Park - can't WAIT to go on that!

Ah I just can't wait in general. It's very exciting. I don't think I can express in words quite how excited I really am!! The SHOPPING!

Oh shh inner voice. Yes, I know perfectly well that I can't afford to do much shopping. Well shush shush shush, I need to buy an outfit for Helsinki. Five months early? No problem. Might as well do it now while I HAVE some money... and come on, it's LONDON BABY.

Apparantly JH has ordered us a cookie for the journey emblazoned with LONDON BABY. Good stuff!

In other news, I just created a couple of posters on Snapfish for my room in Durham. Of course, they are made of my photos from Nightwish on the 24th March. One of them is a truly fantastic picture, it's so good I can't belive I took it all by myself. Hmmm... I as yet haven't been able to work out how to insert a photo on here, but I shall try...

I hope that worked. If it doesn't - it's Emppu, with his guitar, framed amazingly in a blue light. It really is a fantastic photo and it's going on my wall as big as I can get it. LOVE it.

Right, time for me to go. I'm so tired, and I've done nothing all day. I'm going to go to bed fairly soon and listen to podcasts all night (because I'm just that cool). Night night!

Misty x

PS: YES! After four edits, I worked out how to get the picture in! Go me - and go Emppu!!

Comments

Honesty

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:38:00 +0200

I feel very very happy that Niki has given me an honesty award... which has a pretty picture but I can't quite work out how to copy it in here yet - I shall do so when I've explored this a bit better (had this thing for nearly a year and I still don't know what I'm doing, I'm not the brightest...)

Soooooooo... the deal is, I write 10 completely honest things about myself, then nominate 7 other blogs for this award too. At least, I think that's the deal. Well, I have a confession to make: I don't read enough blogs to fill that up at all, I usually only bounce around random blogs about even randomer stuff.

So I'll just say now that the only blog I've read that I'd give the award to is Niki's (http://nolongeralittlegirl.blogspot.com/) - I met her at primary school a verrrry long time ago, and I have vague memories of the pair of us doing the World Wildlife Walk, making up poems about how horrid the hills were... we were never the sportiest kids at school. Anyway, she'd been a great help to me over these past few months and her blog has made me feel I know her a lot better.

Ooh, I'm articulate tonight. Maybe this isn't the best time to be doing this but I'm very bored, and tired, and all I want to do is sleep, but it happens to be 7pm. A bit early. So I shall babble some lovely honest truths instead. God, I have absolutely no idea what to put. I did something like this on Facebook a little while ago and they're bloody difficult.

1) I'm a writer. Unpublished of course, no need to start thinking 'shit, have I read something of her's?!' I'm not a very GOOD writer, but I've written three books and I'm about 1/3 of a way through my fourth one. They're four different genres and of four different standards, from absolute shite to just about readable. If I couldn't write, I think I'd die, it lets me create my own worlds where I can shape what happens to my own specifications. Control freak, me? The worlds I make don't always go well (just read novel number 3) but I always leave an opportunity for a happy ending.

2) You wouldn't guess to look at me, but I'm incredibly soppy and all I want out of life is a happy ending.

3) I'm also incredibly cynical and I seriously doubt I'll ever get one.

4) When I was little, I wanted to be (in order): an artist, a vet, a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, a diplomat, and a translator. The only one that's stuck from the beginning has been writer, which I plan to do whatever I end up being - which is currently back on the lawyer track.

5) I'm incredibly selfish, as my mum will vouch for: if I can do something to benefit myself I will do it. Sometimes I put across a good impression of being someone nice but it really isn't true.

6) I keep managing to screw up the rug I'm sitting on, and as it's brand new my mum keeps moaning at me about it. Oops. Point is, since I've been home I've spent far too much time sitting on this rug, my laptop on my lap and the internet cable plugged in, but it's been a very good time. I've spent hours and hours talking to Na (and L and now LW too - I really need to work out if I'm going to keep initialling people or not), and it's made me very happy that I'm staying in contact with them even though we're spread all over the world at the moment. Also, whenever I'm talking to Na I'm laughing out loud about 90% of the time, some of the stuff we've ended up discussing at random hours of the night recently... priceless.

7) I have a very obsessive personality, and once I decide I like something I will obsess about it until something else catched my attention. Over the years I've gone through Gladiators, Casualty, Harry Potter, Fame Academy, and The X Files. Currently my obsessions are Nightwish and Twilight.

8) I've only just started to show my true self to my uni friends - in other words, the obsessive, weird girl who likes to play loud violent music. This has only just begun, by letting them find out about my real taste in music... there's a lot more to come, it's a pretty good thing I'm off on my year abroad in a few months so they'll have a break from this Real Me coming out of the woodwork!

9) I'm the only second year in Durham looking forward to the year abroad. I'm going to be a teaching assistant in France and I'll be hopefully living in a flat by myself. After living with lots of people my own age these past two years, I'd like to see what it's like to be solitary, considering I've spent a lot of this year doing that anyway, just by the medium of locking myself in my room with my iPod rammed in my ears. By the end of next year I'll probably be clamouring to be let back into human company - I am kind of looking forward to my year of living with D, E and F after the year away, even though by then I might have turned into some kind of reclusive hermit and they'll all run away from me screaming.

10) Finally, I think my life in the past few months can be summed up by some lyrics by the great Tuomas Holopainen (this also fits in with my current obsession) and his song 'The Poet and the Pendulum'. Listen to it some time - it's very disturbing. But the bit that I feel describes my last few months comes towards the end of the chorus:

"Forgive me - I have but two faces, one for the world, one for God... Save me!"

Yeah OK, God doesn't come into my equation, but it kind of works. YES Tuomas.

So that's my 10 items of honesty. Reading them back I seem a bit depressed, but I don't feel it - right now I feel a bit numbish. But all I have to do is think about going to London next week with J and V and it makes me very happy all over again!

Oh god, Michela just came online - Niamh's mum. OK nobody knows them, Niamh is four now, I used to babysit her in Guernsey, Michela's lovely and Niamh is adorable. I haven't spoken to her since Martin left, and she's asking me to tell him about something to do with her car... hmm. This could take a while to explain...

Oh well! Never mind. I shall go into a little London happy moment. And if that doesn't work, I'll bring out the big guns: Helsinki. Yaaaay!

Misty x

Oh, and L? If you're reading this - I'd nominate you for the honesty award too if you'd actually update your blog!!!

Comments

Country Girl - HA

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 12:01:28 +0200

The past two days have been rather interesting, when it comes to personal development.

In other words, my mum has been trying to turn me into the kind of person who loves to be in the countryside. You know those people, they're like another SPECIES... they voluntarily tramp across muddy fields with sticks and flat caps. I am not one of those people.

So sometimes, yes, OK, I'll admit it, I like to get on my bike and zoom off into the countryside (until I encounter a hill, upon which point I have to turn around and zoom back again because I'm rather unfit). I did that the day before yesterday, and went about ten kilometres, which I was very proud of. It was really fun, actually - the sun was shining, I had my iPod blasting Pain, to which I was singing along... a true advantage of living in the middle of nowhere, the only person who saw me was a man driving a tractor, who just laughed at me and carried on bouncing along in the middle of the road.

Of course, I was absolutely knackered when I got back to vague civilisation. Like I said, my level of fitness is about the same as in Lance Armstrong's little toe. So I was rather pissed off, to say the least, when I got back to the house and Mum informed me that I needed to help her shift half a ton of wood. Our dear Brummie neighbour, whom I now hate with a passion, had been 'kind' enough to bring us a trailer load of wood for the wood burning stove. Of course, he had to abandon it in our garage. Where the car is supposed to go.

"We'll just carry it around the back, it won't take long..."

Yes. My mum wanted to CARRY the half ton of wood round the back of the house. IN OUR ARMS. While we had two wheelbarrows just sitting there doing nothing.

In the end, I spent the rest of my afternoon hauling six foot long chunks of wood into a wheelbarrow and dragging them around my garden, while Mum stacked them up at either end. It was NOT a pleasant task. As a result, my hands are now still full of splinters and my joints are hurting more than they were after the Two Days of Nightwish.

I can safely say that the thought of Helsinki got me through the whole afternoon. Me and Na have been planning a LOT. I can't believe it's still over five months away. We already know what FOOD we're taking! Well, pretty much. I've discovered Lion Bar cereal over here, which you can't get in the UK. I don't like Lion Bars at all, but Na does, and has informed me they no longer sell them in England. I've promised her I'll bring some of the cereal up to Finland.

So what have I learnt from these past few days? 1) I am not built for the countryside. 2) I am not built for manual labour. 3) The French eat weird cereal. And just randomly, 4) The Bad Shepherds are absolutely hilarious and I nearly wet myself watching them on YouTube just now.

Ooh, by the way, my weird and wonderful Karin Cluster story is now 17,982 words long, and it began less than a week ago. I'm proud. However I seem to have hit a point of writers block, anything inspirational to contribute, please let me know!

Misty x

Comments

The Most Exciting News - Ever

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 22:18:37 +0200

Sitting on the floor again in my lovely, comfortable Internet Position. Aka,on my very thin floor cushion in front of the TV - which is showing The Apprentice. God, they're all so shit on here. I could do better than them standing on my head (which, incidentally, I cannot do). OK, maybe I would be shit too, but they're just... awful.

I do love Nick and Margaret on here though. They're HILARIOUS... and Margaret seriously reminds me of scary Linda from French last year. She was the teacher, and me, J and F realised after a short time that she was actually Margaret's double. She also pronounced the word 'depuis' in the most annoying manner, but that's besides the point.

Ooh, they're kicking off in the Apprentice now, it's brilliant. I love it when they start shouting at each other. Or grovelling "Oh Siralan (his name apparently) PLEASE let me stay... I will give you blowjobs for life if you just let me stay" etc etc etc.

But screw the Apprentice. I have the most exciting news I've ever had (this week at least).

Late last week, news appeared on the Nightwish official website. Me and Naomi had thought that our last chance to see the band again would be in Moscow (which we found after research would be too expensive) or whenever the next time they toured will be, probably 2011. However, the website changed this.

Nightwish are going to do one last show on the Dark Passion Play tour. They're going home - to Helsinki, to the massive Hartwell Arena. Tickets went on sale on Monday morning. All standing tickets and lower level seating tickets were gone by Monday afternoon.

Naomi got tickets on Monday morning.

We have standing tickets.

We are going to be right in the front.

We are taking 'HARDER'.

It is going to be AMAZING.

Jesus, as soon as I start thinking about it I get so hyper I can barely write in a straight line (yes, failing to do that on a computer is fairly difficult, but I keep pressing enter without noticing which causes some problems). My standard of English has gone completely out the window, I'll have to calm down a bit before I carry on with my new book (entitled Karin Cluster, can't be arsed explaining now).

It's just so exciting. Me and Naomi, rampaging around Helsinki?! It's going to be fantastic! And seeing Nightwish again... oh my god. I've been looking at a fair few pictures, videos and interviews lately, and my obsession is deepening to a scary level. My mum thinks I'm truly bonkers.

I haven't actually told my mum about Helsinki yet. To be honest, I don't plan to - she'll only go on about wasting money and all that shit. Live for today, that's what I say. Well, for September. The concert isn't till September 19th, when I'll be living in France for my year abroad, hopefully. Yes, I'm planning to skive off a job I haven't even got yet. Oh well, I'll say it's a wedding, or a funeral, or something else with a religious undertone. Can't complain about that. I'll tell my mum when I'm there, I quite fancy the idea of phoning her up and going "guess where I am. Just you guess!!"

Hmm, haven't actually told my mum about the whole bipolar thing either yet... oops. Oh well, I'll tell her when I'm ready. Right now it's not all that much of an issue, I have a lot to distract me and keep me hyper. I'm not sure if it's that or the pretty pills that are keeping me in a good mood, but something's working.

Yay, my dear friend L has a blog now. Haven't read it yet, but will do shortly. Hopefully he'll give us some kind of insight into his mind, which I'm sure has crazy depths none of us know about. Come on, give us something boy! love you really...

AAAAAAH I'M GOING TO HELSINKI.

I've been looking at my Nightwish 24/3 videos again, and they're making me squeal like a fangirl every time I see them. I am particularly pleased with my Dead to the World video - I hadn't paid it much attention before, but in the middle of it Marco looks directly at my camera, winks, and tosses his hair at me. Love him, even if he is a forty three year old rocker with a funny beard.

Speaking of Marco, Na introduced me to one of his many other projects last night - Northern Kings. They're HILARIOUS. They do metal cover versions of 80s and 90s cheesy hits. Their version of Take On Me was pure class, I nearly wet myself laughing. Then nearly wet myself with fear at their version of I Should Be So Lucky - they managed to turn a bouncy, cheesy happy song into stalker-dude-goes-crazy.

I really shouldn't look at any more Nightwish pictures. Every one I see of Emppu makes me want to pick him up, put him in my handbag, and run away very fast. He's so very cute - and definitely small enough to fit in my smaller bags.

Aww, my little kitten Eli just burst through the catflap and jumped onto the sofa. That's probably a sign that I should go to bed, he only comes in to go to sleep. He's such a weird little cat. He doesn't use the litter tray any more, but he goes into it to play. Like a sandpit. He really fits in in this stange little house.

Right, I'm going to shut up now! I really feel I should, especially if I want to do any more of Karin Cluster tonight.

Remember eveyone: BRITS ROCK HARDER IN HELSINKI!!

Misty x

Comments

7 Days Full Of Chipsticks

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:21:57 +0200

It's been a pretty hectic couple of weeks, hence my lack of updates... well now I'm back home in France (at last) and I can babble away to my heart's content!

These past couple of weeks have been AMAZING to say the least. Mr Psychiatrist Man upped my pills but I can't let that take credit for my good mood - it's been NIGHTWISH.

Oh, and Pain of course.

Not my normal type of Pain.

I have a confession to make. I'm a metal fan. I always have been but it's had a brief hiatus... but going to two Nightwish gigs in Paris with Naomi last week made it rear its head again and now I'm kind of obsessed.

Oh my god. The concerts were... amazing. Day One completely opened my eyes and made me fall in love with each member of Nightwish in turn (yes, even Marco, he of the incredible beard). We were about five or six rows from the barrier and it was just... SO good. The support acts were Indica and Pain. Indica (Finnish female metal group) were pretty awesome, and Pain (Swedish metal group) were absolutely INSANE. It was to Pain that I had my very first moshing experience, which totally took me by surprise but I soon got into the spirit... you can't have hips the size of mine and not use them in a mosh! And Nightwish... oh, there are no words. I thought nothing could top it.

Day Two - topped it. We camped outside Le Zenith for roughly eight hours and ended up right on the barrier: well, we would have been right on the barrier if this enormously tall fat (and bald) guy had moved a couple of inches to the left. He didn't matter. We were There. Right at the front. Oh. Holy. God.

Because we knew how long we were going to be waiting for, we'd decided to take something to do in the queue for Day Two (ooh that rhymed), so we went to Galeries Lafayette early in the morning and bought the ingredients to make a poster to wave at the bands. Our clever decision was to write "BRITS ROCK HARDER IN PARIS" with a Union Flag. After much measuring, drawing and colouring, our sign was complete, and it looked pretty amazing.

However... after five minutes of Indica, the poor sign was in tatters as we were being shoved all over the place by people trying to displace us from our awesome place at the very front. We had to make a split second decision between Indica and Pain - the sign had to go. Only two parts of it remained... the Union Flag, and one word.

"HARDER."

Of course we waved it at the bands - OF COURSE. I'm a good foot taller than Naomi, so it was my job to project 'HARDER' as high as I could, while she brandished the Union Flag. Up it went for Pain. The two guitarists seemed to be trying their hardest to ignore it, though one of them (the hot one, yay) seemed to be desperately trying not to giggle every time he looked in our direction (and before anyone questions this, we were wearing flashing devil horns, none of the acts could miss us). The lead singer, Peter, took one look and nearly burst out laughing in the middle of singing/screeching. It was a moment of triumph... especially when Peter announced that they were filming the music video for 'Monkey Business'. Me and Naomi nearly died of happiness right there and then, and every time the camera came near us we waved 'HARDER' with all our strength.

Then came Nightwish.

The first song: 7 Days To The Wolves.

I had to time 'HARDER' very well here. I didn't want to wave it at Anette by herself, I didn't think she'd appreciate it quite as much as the men would. Tuomas was of course tied to his keyboards (in a boat) on the other side of the stage, so I decided to target the guitar-boys. Marco and Emppu.

Marco first, and he DEFINITELY gave the best reaction. As soon as he glanced in my direction, I thrust 'HARDER' up as high as I could and started jumping up and down with extra zeal. Marco looked down... and gave a very obvious double take. He then looked me right in the eye with a very questioning expression. I screeched with delight like the fangirl I am and winked at him. He laughed out loud, winked back, and gave me the thumbs up. Cue me nearly exploding with joy - I managed to give a thumbs up back before he launched into the chorus of 7 Days To The Wolves.

My next target was Emppu, the impossibly cute (and very very tiny) lead guitarist, otherwise known as The Metal Elf. He's so ickle, I want to put him in my pocket and carry him around. I'm sure he wouldn't mind... Anyway, when 'HARDER' was thrust towards him, he also did a double take, then threw the full force of his incredible grin at me and winked at me too. Talk about happy - I nearly fell to the floor with joy.

The entire concert - both nights - was immense. I honestly have never had such an epic experience in my life. I love Nightwish even more, and Pain have a new place in my heart (read their tour blog; it's absolutely hilarious). Oh, there just aren't enough adjectives to describe the true fantasticness of those two days.

We went to Disneyland right afterwards, but for the first time in my life, a trip to Disneyland was eclipsed by what went on before it. In other words, the gigs. I love Disneyland (and I'm very pleased to finally have a photo of me with my first ever crush, Robin Hood) but I've been a few times now. Nightwish was a completely new experience and now I want to see them again and again.

...which is in fact a possibility. They're going to be playing a few festivals this summer and me and Naomi are thinking of going on a trek to see them. So far our favourite option is one in Norway - should be interesting. The pair of us in a tent... my god. The people in the tents around us will have to watch out! I mean, while we were in our hotel room in Disneyland we pissed off everyone anywhere near us by loudly discussing not-entirely-savoury things until three in the morning. In a tent, we'll be even louder... well, we'll be exactly the same volume but with less walls to protect bystanders!

I'm currently sitting in front of the TV, on the living room floor, having finally connected my own laptop to the French network, which feels very good. And what feels even better: I have rediscovered Chipstick. Well, the French version at any rate. I'm gonna end up putting on three stone just in Chipsticks over the next three weeks.

Hmmm, I really should stop babbling on now. I think if I carry on rambling about Nightwish and Pain everyone and anyone who reads this will get very very bored, my mum certainly is already and I've only been back three days. Nightwish and Pain have been playing almost constantly, and 7 Days To The Wolves has become my new favourite song - it's even overtaken Amaranth and Sahara, which were my previous two favourites. Bye Bye Beautiful is coming up the scale as well, even though they didn't perform that one live (and sadly, Tuomas has announced they never will again, though I do see their reasons: they've said goodbye now).

Oh dear. I think I'm obsessed.

Ooh, I just saw that Niki has 'tagged' me in a thingy on her blog, yay! It makes me feel very happy I shall do the attached whatsit soon, I think this entry is as long as it could possibly be!

Misty x

EDIT: I now have Twitter, I'm JPLeather, and it seems to be an amazing invention. Also if anyone fancies a look at one of my Nightwish videos, it's here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTP6_PqOYqs Not very good quality, but I felt the need to share it. The moment where Emppu attempts to play Marco's guitar but fails because of Marco's alarmingly sweaty armpit is GOLDEN!

Comments

Vampire

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:24:06 +0100

I think I am slowly but surely becoming a vampire. The desire to drink blood hasn't quite kicked in yet, but I'm definitely having trouble staying awake in the day and my eyes have taken on a somewhat amber glow today (yes, I'm a TWILIGHT vampire, to make things clear).

Yeah, so I haven't slept at night since Sunday night. That leaves Monday night and Tuesday night where sleep just didn't kick in. On Tuesday I napped for a couple of hours in the day, and I had a couple of hours between 8am and 10am today. It is, however, quite inconvenient. I'm in a good mood at the moment (perhaps that's why I can't sleep: I'm a bit hyper and my legs won't stop twitching) but there's nobody to chat to when you're still awake at 5am!!

Normally I have L, and I hope he'll be insomniacing with me again soon. But these past few days he's just finished a load of essays, so he's knuckling down with reading The Host, which I presented him with the command "READ, it's AMAZING". I hope he finishes it soon, actually, because then not only would I get my sleepless buddy back, I'll be able to take it back to France with me to read over Easter.

Despite the sleeplessness, today has been a good day so far. I went to the library and got out a load of cheerful books about euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide for French Politics and Culture, and I've actually been ploughing through them making notes. I'm quite proud, I'm doing actual work!

We all seem to be getting on today in this house too. I'm sitting in the living room right now, with J, both of us working on French essays and listening to the RENT soundtrack (oh how I love RENT. Favourite film ever). We were having a very companiable chat just before about what we'll do this summer when I'm living in Liverpool taking care of my little 6 year old charge. It should be a good summer.

Oh, and lunchtime was good too. Well, I say 'good'... the word 'amusing' would cover it more accurately. I had a bit of a craving for eggs, which I don't usually eat, so JH offered to make me scrambled eggs. It was... a bit of a disaster. It was just generally a funny lunch: J frantically making coffee, V singing Christmas carols (oddly enough) and me and JH staring bleakly at the frying pan full of yellow vomit that was meant to be my lunch.

It tasted better than it looked, but only marginally!

Hmm. I think a nap might be in order. I can barely keep my eyes open.

Misty x

Comments

Changing Times

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:01:07 +0100

I had the initial assessment thing today - joy of all joys. Rather naively, I'd expected it to be with some kind of nurse, at least that's what my GP implied.

However, it wasn't a nurse: it was a very annoying psychiatrist. Well, I say annoying... it was more that he gave off an atmosphere of repressed anger. I felt like I was completely wasting his time just by being there, and I couldn't even look him in the eye I felt so guilty. I kept my eye on his posh pen dashing across the paper with every comment I made.

He didn't exactly fit into the room our little interview was held in. It was a big room, with two chairs about three miles away from a desk that wouldn't look out of place in a school. A FRENCH school. The paint was peeling off the walls and there was some kind of nasty stain on the floor at my feet. It had a high ceiling and every word Mr Friendly said seemed to echo around me, like he was muttering his insightful comments from behind me as well as in front of me.

Although he bugged me from the first moment (and I quivered in terror through the whole interview) he did make sense in what he said.

So I'm bipolar. Or I have bipolar. I'm not entirely sure of the grammar of this yet. Mr Happy gave me some kind of pills to stabilise me or something. I am yet to research it, but that's my next plan.

I should probably go to sleep soon. I didn't sleep last night: I was too worried about the hospital appointment this morning. I had to get out of bed stupidly early and wander around Durham, trying to find the County Hospital. It turned out to be about thirty seconds from my house: loser I am, I'd left myself half an hour to find my way there. Had to sit outside in the cold for twenty five minutes, waiting for anyone to come to reception. Then I had to wait another half an hour for Mr Joie-de-Vivre to deign to see me. All the time I was sitting there, I was getting more and more scared, and you know what, fear is bloody knackering.

Sleep is kind of hampered by the fact I have to learn an entire Italian presentation by tomorrow. I have not exactly done a great deal of work for it... I think I was being a bit overenthusiastic when I volunteered to do my presentation this week. I suppose it'll be out of the way and I'll be able to avoid speaking any Italian for the rest of the term...

My presentation is about Italian wine - J's idea. The whole point is that I can take a couple of bottles of wine into class to accompany the presentation. That way hopefully the class will be concentrating more on what they're drinking than what they're listening to. I'm hoping I'll be able to bribe the teacher a tiny bit too...

It should actually be a pretty good lesson. There are two other people doing presentations too - one girl is doing something art-related and quite possibly very dull, then there's me coming forward with my two bottles of wine, followed by a girl talking about tiramisu. Also with free samples. I'd be looking forward to it a bit more if I had the slightest memory of what my presentation says. It involves a Powerpoint presentation with some very pretty pictures, two graphs and a map, but that doesn't really help me. Here's hoping I can hide by the computer with my USB stick and have my actual text taped to the computer screen.

Aargh, I'm rambling on about rubbish again. This seems to happen a bit too often for my liking. Once I get started I find it very difficult to stop. I should just write all this babble, write a synopsis of it, then delete the original crap. It'd probably make everyone's lives much nicer.

...Oh dear. I'm sitting in the living room with V, watching Skins (which is brilliant, by the way), and she's trying to learn some kind of anthropological thing. Her way of learning this involves mumbling constantly to herself, interspersed with the odd bit of whistling/singing along to whatever advert comes on the TV and catches her attention. It's annoying, to say the least. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think she's stopped singing all day.

Admittedly, I've hardly been in proper company all day. After I finally got back from the hospital I couldn't face anybody - I missed my Italian test, which is worrying me rather a lot. I just burrowed into my duvet and hid away from the world. It's made me feel a bit better about everything, but I probably shouldn't have done it.

Oh look, off I go again, on another tangent. I should just stop really. Skins is nearly finished, and I should go to bed, then I can get up in the morning and learn this Italian nonstop. But there's a live mugglecast at 1:30am and L wants me to be there as well - he doesn't usually have any friends quite as geeky as him. I shouldn't stay up for it really, but I'm always awake at that time anyway. Usually talking to L, my dear agony aunt. He's as geeky as me, and he's practically a girl, it's great. I bought him a card in York the other day to say thanks for being such a good friend, I must remember to write it.

Actually, I'll do that now. JJ and Emily are apparently about to have sex in Skins, lovely stuff. Especially as she's gay and he's in love with someone else.

Time to go!

Misty x

Comments

FINALLY

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 18:49:43 +0100

After one of the worst nights I've had for a long time, I decided to walk up the hill to college to check my post. And surprise surprise, a letter from the NHS was waiting in my pigeon hole: at LAST they've given me an appointment for an initial assessment. After 6 weeks. Wow.

I can't help but laugh at the NHS. It really needs to sort its life out. Letter dated: 23rd January. Letter postmarked: 23rd February. Appointment: this Thursday. Conveniently an hour before I have to meet my senior tutor so she can check I'm still alive.

And it's in the County Hospital. Where the FUCK is the County Hospital?!

Gaah.

Misty x

Comments

Pop Music, and lots of it

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:27:33 +0100

I'm sitting in the living room with two of my housemates right now... and J is playing the guitar. She has found S Club 7 tabs online... it's quite scary. However it means I can blog quite happily here and neither J nor JH know what I'm doing, as they're concentrating on the guitar. J just admitted that she was a massive S Club 7 fan as a child... how very awww.

Been thinking about N a lot, as might have been gathered from my last message. And yes, I was listening to the playlist on my iPod of soppy shit that fits with unrequited love. Not the best thing, really, but I seem to get some kind of masochistic pleasure from it. So many songs seem to fit how I feel exactly, I commend these songwriters/performers who are PRETTY diverse. The playlist covers everyone from Celine Dion to Scouting For Girls, with Regina Spektor making a couple of appearances and even the cast of Wicked popping up twice.

I think the song that sums it all up the best (well, that's how I feel at the moment anyway, it'll probably change tomorrow) is Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. Just in case you don't know how that goes, I'm going to copy it straight in here now. Yeah, reinforcing the masochistic bit here.

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that their goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the pain
That I keep all closed in
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Oh isn't that cheerful. But I feel like it's the most appropriate song to describe how I feel. I tried to talk to him today, just a general 'how are you' etc. I've had him blocked on MSN for a while under the instructions of JH and V, telling me that if he can't talk to me, I won't talk to him (or some such logic). But today he came online and I failed, I tried talking to him.

And after a couple of perfunctory comments about nothing in particular, he completely dried up and stopped talking. So I stopped too. I think I can take the hint. He doesn't want to talk to me at all.

I'm hoping he'll be at Revolver on Saturday - after all, it's free for our college this week and I know from facebook stalking that he's just finished a major lab report or something and is free from work for a while. God, that really does make me feel like a proper stalker - it was a facebook status update!! If he's there, then maybe he'll be nice. I don't know what I'm exactly expecting... he'll see that I have a different hairstyle and fall manically in love?! Hardly.

Hopefully if he is there, this time I won't have a complete breakdown, like last time. That was one of the times I wanted to throw myself headfirst into the river and needed extensive counselling from L and JH, who did the job admirably. If he is there on Saturday, it shouldn't be so bad, after all I've given up alcohol for Lent so THAT won't be an issue (I've also given up chocolate and coffee, though god knows how long the chocolate thing will last, after all, there are mini eggs in the world this time of the year). Hopefully I'll be able to keep myself on a fairly even plane.

Aargh, I need to go to bed. Yes, it's only 12:30 but I need to be up for lessons tomorrow. I'm determined to get back on the straight and narrow with regard to them - I've been so bad this term and I REALLY don't want to repeat the year. I think I'd kill myself, or just drop straight out and get a job in a bank. Which I would HATE.

OK we're not gonna think about that, that's the way to enter depression land and that's an area of this theme park I'm really not a fan of.

Misty x

Comments

steals back to computer after promised self wouldn't

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 01:10:32 +0100

My head has gone bananas today and I haven't been able to stop thinking about N. Haven't seen him (and have barely spoken to him) for over a month and I thought that'd be a GOOD thing, maybe I'd get a chance to get over him, that kind of stuff...

But I can't. I'm useless. Back down at the bottom again after a whole weekend of being happy and so hyper I literally danced round the kitchen singing songs from Wicked. I don't know why N has come into my head again, I feel like I should explain what's gone on between us. Not that it's much, but you know, I want to get it out somehow. I think I have to let it out. It's been in here for a long time and I don't think anyone around here would understand, if they what I really feel for him I think they'd just laugh.

I can still remember the first time I saw him, all the way back in November 2007. I wasn’t exactly the friendliest of people that evening, I’d missed the bus back from my lecture and had to walk back to college in the rain. Not best pleased. And when I got back, my flatmate (V) had another random guy in the kitchen with her. She had a boyfriend, still does in fact… yet she also has a bit of a habit of ‘adopting’ guys into our group of friends.

“This is…”
“Oh, I know, another one!” I snapped, and marched out of the room to get into some dry clothes. I only had time to catch a glimpse of a grey university hoodie hanging from a very tall body and a slightly goofy smile below pale green eyes, all hovering over the oven, cooking for demanding V. I wasn’t to know then that this face would soon be occupying my thoughts much more than I was willing to let them in.

We played pool that evening – me, V, and him. We were teamed up, thanks to my lovely flatmate’s progress on the official pool team. It was only then that I really noticed him, the way he held himself, his perfectly matched features, the way his laugh was ever so slightly the wrong side of annoying. Something stirred, somewhere inside me. I hadn’t been this attracted to anyone for a long time.

Of course, it had to be ruined. No matter how much time we spent together, there was always somebody else there. Usually one of my flatmates, both of whom had boyfriends. Compared to them, I was nothing. Both of them were graceful and pretty, their flat stomachs perfectly opposite their bouncy personalities. I was a chubby, dull, frizzy-haired individual who laughed in all the wrong places and came out with the kind of humour Noddy would find amusing. We were quickly friends, the kind of friends you tell a lot to. But nothing was going to stop him falling for my flatmates, first one, then the other – when both of them were seeing other people.

I had to be the sounding board to his depression and frustration. By this time the attraction I felt for him had changed into something more powerful, some kind of want that I didn’t want to have to control. But it was perfectly obvious that his obsession with my flatmates, both in turn, would always win the day over me.

His liking for V, the one who introduced us, faded fast. She was too immature, he declared, too eager to play games with his feelings. This only paved the way for a stronger, more consuming infatuation with my other flatmate, JH, developing even further when she broke up with her boyfriend. She wasn’t interested; she didn’t want another relationship and she found him too needy, too emotional, too goofy. She didn’t like to say it, but she also didn’t want to hurt me. That’s still making me feel guilty – no matter how deep my own infatuation gets, I wouldn’t want to spoil anything deeper that could happen between them. I don’t want to spoil anybody’s happiness. I love her for it and don't believe her in the slightest, but she still insists he’s not the man for her.

This didn’t stop them kissing, one drunken night in a club. When I found out, I wanted to tear the skin off my arms until the bone gleamed raw – but I didn’t. If anything was going to happen, I reasoned, there was nothing I could do to stop it. However, yet again JH insisted that it was a drunken mistake, that she didn’t want anything to happen between them.

It was the night of my birthday party, months ago, when things came to some kind of climax. We were drinking; of course we were. By the time we got to the club we were all very drunk. It was then that I noticed him – he was never far out of my sight, but by one in the morning he looked distraught. I’d never seen him looking so depressed, the neon lights reflecting off his vacant eyes as he leant against the glass wall of the club, seeing past all of us into some unknown dimension.

I asked him if he was all right. He announced he wanted to go home – and then looked at me, as if seeing me for the first time.

“Come with me,” he said. “I need to talk to someone… I have to talk to you.”

I let him tow me through the crowds. The last time this had happened the pair of us had wandered around the town at four in the morning, discussing our love lives and everything that had hurt us in the past. That night we’d confessed more to each other than we ever had before – though I still hadn’t told him how I felt. By my birthday party, I knew full well that someone else had already told him. But if he wasn’t mentioning it, neither was I.

We walked back to his house, past the viaduct with the trains running overhead, past my own house through the almost-silent streets. His bedroom was huge, the double bed fitting comfortably. I used his bathroom, and by the time I came out he was in bed.

“Come into bed.”

“I’ll just sit here.” I perched on the end of the bed.

But I didn’t reckon on the strength of a drunken engineering student with more than six feet of muscle behind him – within ten seconds I’d been clamped under the covers. I let myself give in, and snuggled next to his warm body. It took me a while to realise he was only wearing boxer shorts. I let my hand gently stroke his back while he clutched me to him, his misery falling from him like tears.

He told me everything – how in his head he didn’t want a relationship, yet within his heart he still couldn’t stop thinking about JH. How he didn’t know why he liked her, but everything she did confused and fascinated him. Although he didn’t say it out loud, how much he loved her.

And all I could think about was how much I loved him.

All the while he was talking, I could feel a pulsating ache begin in my stomach and rise up in my throat until it was choking me. I wanted to scream and holler, to scratch at his perfect face and run away until I was nowhere near him.

But I couldn’t, because in that next instance he was kissing me. His lips, the lips I’d longed for, lusted after for months, were finally on mine, kissing me softly, just the way I’d imagined. Everything I’d dreamed for was coming true… except it wasn’t. No matter what I wanted to think, I knew in my head that it wasn’t my lips he was imagining – he wanted JH. I was the substitute, his way of distracting himself and trying to push her out of his head.

I pulled away from his face, but snuggled further into his chest. He hugged me close. I think he understood.

We slept like that the whole night, and most of the next day. When we woke up, he hugged me and thanked me for listening to him, for staying with him. All I could do was attempt to smile. As I looked at him, stretching and yawning, his long body elongating and highlighting the dusky path down to his boxers, his hands running through his slept-on hair and tracing over the trails of shadowy stubble trickling down his jaw, my chest physically throbbed with a dull pain. I wanted so much to be the one to touch his jaw like that, let my hand whisper through the soft clumps of his hair… but I couldn’t.

And I never will. I know that. But I can't stop thinking about all this, even though it was months ago now. He apologised for kissing me - about a month ago, the last time I saw him. He'd tried to get with JH again and she'd refused him, claiming I still loved him. True, of course, but I still maintain that that shouldn't get in their way. If they want to be together, they should be: I want them to be happy. Sure, it'd probably crush me, but I'm perfectly capable of doing that by myself anyway. If they're happy, then it'll make me happy somehow.

God, this has turned into a VERY long entry and I only meant for it to be short. Reading it back, I've gone all literary! How odd.

I should sleep. Yes, I know it's only just gone midnight, very early for me... but I don't want the blackness to settle over me again. Well, I DO, but not the bad blackness - the good kind that blocks everything out and makes everything seem better. Also, I really don't want to hurt myself again. If I stay up for much longer, it'll get to that point, I can feel it. I want to trick the inevitability a bit.

I miss home. I miss the simplicity. Four weeks today and I'll be in France again, thank god. I'm counting down the days.

Misty x

Comments

Roll on Summer 09!

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:49:09 +0100

Just a short note again because I'm KNACKERED. Just spent the day in Liverpool visiting the family I'll be aupairing for this summer, and they're LOVELY. I can't wait to work for them: it gave me such a lift just being there with the little girl. I get to spend two months there and they'll be awesome. Yay!

Also yay Liverpool One - AMAZING shopping centre. I very nearly didn't come back to Durham - the temptation was to move into Zara/Republic there and then. Or the John Lewis home department actually... I'm turning into my mother. I updated my core wardrobe for spring: I feel I can afford considering I'm giving up alcohol for lent.

OK, I'm giving up alcohol because the other night I got into that horrible state where I didn't even notice that I was vomiting copiously on the living room floor. JH is amazing: she sorted me out and cleaned it up. The next day I made her a full roast dinner all by myself to say thanks.

Ugh, I was just on the train with about 3000 drunken Geordies. The state of affairs was so bad I had to leap over a pool of Geordie-sick to get to the vestibule, where I found two other girls cowering in fear as well. However, there was roughly one policeman to every fourth Geordie, so we were well looked after - we were even given our own private pair of policemen to keep the Geordies from groping us as they stumbled by.

Today has been a good day, even with the drunken Geordies. I am knackered though, and even JH making scones can't tempt me out of bed.

...especially as she has apparently forgotten to put the sugar in them.

Misty x

Comments

Geek Alert

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 04:35:10 +0100

Very much against my will, I've become a fan of the Twilight saga. And trying to distract myself with Breaking Dawn, I've found the perfect description of how I feel.

The blackness rushed over my eyes more solidly than before. Like a thick blindfold, firm and fast. Covering not just my eyes but also my self with a crushing weight. It was exhausting to push against it. I knew it would be so much easier to give in. To let the blackness push me down, down, down to a place where there was no pain and no weariness and no worry and no fear.

…

I kept pushing against the black, though, almost a reflex. I wasn’t trying to lift it. I was just resisting. Not allowing it to crush me completely. I wasn’t Atlas, and the black felt as heavy as a planet; I couldn’t shoulder it. All I could do was not be entirely obliterated.

(Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer, p373-374)

Sure, so Meyer's describing someone becoming a vampire/dying/whatever. Well it pretty much exactly describes how I've been feeling these past few days. Or weeks. Or whatever - it comes and goes. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel normal again, maybe by next Monday I'll have sunk completely and be relying on L again to stop me from taking a swim in the river. God knows.

Is it wrong that I'm feeling marginally cheered up by eating half a packet of ready to roll regallice icing? Who needs a psychiatrist when you can have Dr Oetker.

Misty x

Comments

Neeeeeowwwwww... plop

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 21:49:04 +0100

In case you didn't realise, that noise is the sound of a quick descent and a loud smash onto the floor. Yup, I'm back down at rock bottom again.

I had such a good night with my friend S from school last night... up until I brought one of her mates home, and was very nearly having sex with him before he announced he couldn't carry on cos he has a girlfriend.

Which, according to S, he doesn't. Yup, I'm assuming it was just a way to avoid getting too close to me. Another one. Fun times.

So I spent most of last night pretty much in self-hating agony. I thought I'd get over it by today - I was wrong. It's not been helped by the fact that I'm currently sitting downstairs with J, JH and L and they're talking like I'm not even in the room. I'm completely invisible.

I miss my mum. I want to go home. But I have another month before I can even begin that journey. I'm not sure I can last. I've been missing so many lessons purely because I can't get up in the morning, and when I DO make it up I can only get about an hour into the day before I want to crumple to the floor and die.

Misty x

Comments

Life Carries On

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:49:28 +0100

Of course it's true, life goes on. The whole stepfather thing has been firmly put out of my head, except for me and my mum making plans. Life is going to be good - better than it has been before. We're determined.

Plus I have a new haircut. For the first time in my life, I have a FRINGE. Only a side fringe, but there are layers too. I love it a bit too much.

But anyway just a short post to say I'm still alive and reasonably happy. In fact I've been so hyper all day I managed to pass out in Toni and Guy. I'm not ENTIRELY sure why my head goes barmy when I get hyper, but still...

Point is: good mood. Sustained.

A bit pissed off with some of my housemates, but I'll moan about that when I can be bothered. Right now, I have happy hair and homemade beef stew. Life is good.

Misty x

Comments

Broken

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:06:56 +0100

There goes my family.

I thought that we finally had it sorted. We had the balance pretty much perfect: my stepdad was the only father I'd ever known and he was going to be there forever. My mum wasn't lonely any more.

But now he's gone. We've heard nothing since he left until today - I got a text message. Saying "Sorry, not going back. Take care and have a great future."

He didn't even call my mum. She still hasn't heard anything. This is his way of leaving us: taking most of the money out of the joint account and sending ME a text message.

I thought I was finally part of a "normal" family: a mum, a dad, and me. It took me a good eight years to get used to it, but I finally was. And now it's been broken apart, split up, destroyed.

My mum is devastated, all I want is to be with her. But I can't, I'm stuck here while she's in France, and the flights are too expensive for me to get back. I can't help but wonder if there's something I did to preempt this - I've been so selfish lately, all I've thought about is what's been going on in my own screwed up head. I haven't noticed anything wrong at home, but then I haven't been paying any attention.

This term has been the worst I've ever had. Between shit stuff with N (which believe me, feels like NOTHING now) then whatever's going on with my head, then THIS stuff, I feel like the only thing tethering me to this world is my mother. If she wasn't here, I wouldn't be able to be. End of story.

I think I've hit the definition of numbness.

Misty x

Comments

Misty La Vrangue

Goodbye

All gone!

Lethargy

3 weeks today...

Immigration, Integration, and Special K bars

Countdowns

Profound Thoughts...

MONKEY BUSINESS!!

Happiness

Sarnia Cherie...

Stressssss

Eep.

Meh and EEEE

Exciting Stuff

LONDON BABY!! ...etc

33,326

Honesty

Country Girl - HA

The Most Exciting News - Ever

7 Days Full Of Chipsticks

Vampire

Changing Times

FINALLY

Pop Music, and lots of it

*steals back to computer after promised self wouldn't*

Roll on Summer 09!

Geek Alert

Neeeeeowwwwww... plop

Life Carries On

Broken

steals back to computer after promised self wouldn't